I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
