Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
