Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
