I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Randomize
