when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He has the fingertips of a God
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