what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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