Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
