EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
