is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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