you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
