if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I need water and some morals
Randomize
