If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
