I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
