Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
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