I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
