every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
