I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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