me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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