There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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