I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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