I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
