Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
