I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
