I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
