This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
