You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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