whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
