No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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