i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
