fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
