K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
