bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
