I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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