she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
