I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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