I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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