is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
