no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
