turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
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This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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