I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
