His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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