Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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