i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
