i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
