Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
