So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize