If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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