wrigley field is MILF paradise
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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