he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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