I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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