So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
