I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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