You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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