dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
