watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
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Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
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Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.