I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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