Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for

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  (212): I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for http://tfl.nu/q18v
  Replies (9) Good night (812) Bad night (1806)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...

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  (713): I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you... http://tfl.nu/rwlo
  Replies (19) Good night (2644) Bad night (645)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.

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  (248): My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while. http://tfl.nu/9oye
  Replies (8) Good night (3984) Bad night (724)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.

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  (614): No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog. http://tfl.nu/lwrd
  Replies (11) Good night (5857) Bad night (1303)
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  (835): View more from Pennsylvania

  The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving

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  (835): The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving http://tfl.nu/ks9z
  Replies (7) Good night (2367) Bad night (766)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.

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  (603): I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall. http://tfl.nu/67xg
  Replies (8) Good night (640) Bad night (1413)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth

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  (402): Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth http://tfl.nu/4hkn
  Replies (16) Good night (747) Bad night (3447)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.

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  (801): You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age. http://tfl.nu/6o7l
  Replies (3) Good night (870) Bad night (326)
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  (562): View more from California

  There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.

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  (562): There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph. http://tfl.nu/ubbg
  Replies (6) Good night (1101) Bad night (395)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.

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  (307): I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless. http://tfl.nu/qeom
  Replies (1) Good night (619) Bad night (332)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.

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  (863): I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever. http://tfl.nu/l0yy
  Replies (4) Good night (590) Bad night (314)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements

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  (727): Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements http://tfl.nu/wb2j
  Replies (4) Good night (527) Bad night (278)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later

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  (587): You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later http://tfl.nu/y2r0
  Replies (6) Good night (1011) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."

  (239): View more from Florida

  I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.

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  (412): wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends." (239): I hope you know that means regardless of their gender. http://tfl.nu/t7uy
  Replies (3) Good night (844) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.

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  (520): dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first. http://tfl.nu/2u4z
  Replies (32) Good night (423) Bad night (1319)

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