I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.