Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
