Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE