I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
