1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
