I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
