I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
