apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
