I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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