I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
