you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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