I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
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I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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