; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
