Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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