I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
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I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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