oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
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All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
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She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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