How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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