I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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