apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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