I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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