I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
