I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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