just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
