How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
