Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
