Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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