What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
