You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
